Full stop, next chapter.

Life beyond a cancer diagnosis.

I had to stop. Just haul up and reassess. Life has been throwing too many curve balls to deal with all at once. I am mostly ok, health wise I am on a slow recovery. Its tougher than I anticipated, especially when the last six months have knocked me back with fatigue and minor ailments one after the other. I have to accept where I find myself and that is hard sometimes. But this stopping posting blogs on face book every week about the minutia of my recovery is necessary. I was feeling it a few weeks ago, a sense that I needed to expand myself into my world in a much more practical and physical way.

I love writing, it helps me to untangle my muddled super speed brain. It gives me a place to conceptualise some of the trickier aspects of being human. Words have been a solace to me throughout my cancer treatment, but now its important for me to become more discerning upon how, what and where I share. What am I birthing for me? Or rather what is being birthed through me in this new shape I am taking.

These days I am much more boundaried and have clearer ideas of my value, sadly these things have come at great cost at times. But ultimately we can only do the best we can. Ironically it is a testament to my recovery that I am even able to weather some of the recent storms my life has offered. And in the unravelling process this past few days I realised that I am most definitely in the land of the living, with all of its trials and tribulations.

Its not about picking up the pieces of your life post cancer, its about selecting and reinventing. Sometimes the choices work well, other times its back to the drawing board. My focus for the next while has to be upon taking new steps into my work as a shiatsu practitioner and qi gong teacher. This and other related places are calling to me and I suspect they will give me a much needed container for the next part of my journey. I have also come to realise that as much as I feel the anguish of solitary time, I also need it. It is the place of reconnection and prayer. Valuable beyond measure for my foundations.

There is necessary focus on my housing situation in order that a clear and rooted path to my next home can happen. One that has the sigh of myself as I cross the threshold. The home that feels congruent with the newness of this me. For now I am still staying with my dear friend and clearing my original home, but sometime in the not so distant future, a different and suitable new abode will arise. This visioning needs my attention.

So the blogs will be more random. Some will be shared on Facebook, some just on Medium blog platform. It all depends upon their content and relevancy to differing audiences. And more importantly it depends upon my own needs in this process as I step more deeply into this post cancer version of myself.

Come and follow me on medium if you want to read more of what I write.