My journey over the cancer seas and beyond.
Today I am fighting an urge to stare out of the window. Not that anyone would judge me for doing so given the intensity of my life this year. But I am fighting that urge because I want to engage even if that means I end up feeling sideways. I am more used to racing at things that need sorting out, or was more used to racing at things that needed sorting out. Now I am questioning the validity of being so driven. It is harder than I anticipated this reintegration. Though there are also other pressing health matters that are making my progress back pretty spangled. As I write I have an image of myself with arm held over my head to stop the intensity that’s raining down. I hope you are all fairing better out there.
I have avoided sharing my most recent situations in my blog, I think more because I am a little weary of my story and so considered you all to be too. Though what I realise is that sharing actually helps with my processing. As you all know I had my last round of chemo in August, then I had the incident with Taz needing urgent medical help for bladder stones. Thankfully he is in fine form now, pissing gleefully everywhere. Good news needs to be embraced as it comes! Shortly after that I found out I am still dealing with a parasite issue, which predates the cancer diagnosis. Yes, the little shits managed to navigate around the chemotherapy — unbelievable!
I reckon to have picked up the unwanted visitors in Turkey where I spent a fair deal of time over 5 years. I had no success with diagnosis via doctors and requisite tests and had to work with a medical herbalist to eradicate them. Though it seems they didn’t fully leave. So now I am on a race of sorts to get them gone. My oncology team looks to be helping with a referral up to the Tropical disease department in Bristol hospital, though that depends on their jurisdiction. Yes I have gone via my GP, suffice to say little or no support has come from that arena thus far. And yes I am working energetically on the issue and no, most herbs are no longer viable with an oestrogen driven cancer story.
I have also been in conversation with a naturopath and nutritionist who may be able to offer a comprehensive test for the state of my gut biome, parasite situation and advise on how to proceed. Right now I am juggling with how I can afford to go down this route, and simultaneously realising that I cannot afford not to go down this route. On top of this I have an eye situation that has developed, thankfully not retinal detachment, but benign tumour in one eye and odd holes in both eyeballs that likely need laser surgery down the line. Seriously, you couldn’t make up the backdrop of my health story.
I have decided to take you all with me on these journeys again because they are the things most present in my life right now. I could do with a break in the action, some peace on the road and some positive things to share with you all. Instead I have to accept that for now I must engage with this triggering slightly unpalatable stuff. Send me prayers and love by all means and also things that make me laugh. Lord knows I seem to have lost my sense of humour somewhere along the way, perhaps the critters ate it, that has the echo of a dark novel if ever I heard. At least I am cancer free, there are some silver linings then.
I considered just leaving the bare bones of my present health story for this weeks blog and then remembered the reason why I was staring out of the window in the first place. Its stunning out there. So calm, shinning and colour rich, with a tinge of chill to remind us that this is autumn. And in spite of what is going on I am in awe of the beauty of nature and thankful that I am here.