On Scans and tender maybes
My journey beyond? the cancer seas.
Maybe it’s a positive thing. Maybe it’s not all doom and gloom. Perhaps there is a vein of gold in this most recent call to have another scan, as the yearly MRI revealed something that needs another look. Maybe it’s just scar tissue.
Funny that my scar side is the least of my issues. The picc line arm damage, groin injury and sinus tinnitus show have taken centre stage of recent. I can but shrug.
I held into that area last night. That strange ribbed flatness of my chest. The soft scar tissue almost none existent now.
I touched the skin and bone of it. Up and under my arm into the area where the lymph used to be.
The sense that came back was peaceful. It didn’t feel like there is a raging storm gathering under the fold and turn of the skin. Mostly it’s numb, the area has been since the mastectomy. Just numb.
The sensation from the touch comes from my fingers. They can feel the skin and contour. The nuance in the body. That area is in deep sleep where nerves are severed. It feels dreamlike and tender to my touch. Surrendered, and quiet.
Perhaps there is more there. Perhaps there is more to come. I don’t know right now. I am OK. A little apprehensive like a whiskered rabbit that knows foxes are a touch away and yet still chooses to eat grass and do rabbit things.
We can’t stop living just because a maybe possibly huge thing is looming.
Let’s trust the huge bit is just the scan and waiting on results.
Let’s trust its nothing more than that.
Good thoughts, prayers and love from good people always help.
With love from me to you ❤️