The time of the feather rain

My journey over the cancer seas.

Bouncing on steroids I walked into the hospice today and was greeted by the Bee Gees staying alive on the radio. I love that tune so much. It makes me want to dance in glees everytime I hear it. Maybe because of the extra week between my treatments. Maybe because of the steroid high. Maybe because of the Bee Gees. Whichever way up today I’m feeling as buoyant as Tigger as I walk into have the Yew medicine in the form of docetaxel.

There is a wig awaiting my perusal later, which is adding to my overall excitability. You all know about my bald head! But it’s nice to have options aside from my lovely cap. Photos will come soon.

So far so good. No huge allergic reaction as yet with the infusion. It’s why they give such high doses of steroids. The up is never the issue, it’s the comedown that I struggle with. I have masses of friends and family to catch me and help me find my way back.

Round 4 now. Only 2 more to go after this. Heartening and yet. I was made aware of friends facing reoccurances recently. Bless them. Its sobering to know that lottery wheel is also mine now. All I can do is the best I can, in line with my level of consciousness at any given time. There are times of fear. I cannot deny them, they come to shake my bones in the dead of night. A firm reminder to keep moving forward one step at a time. In spite of the tears. In spite of the fears.

It’s the time of the feather rain outside, mist like droplets caress each surface, as light as feathers. Gentling the earth, refreshing the leaves and flowers. I wish I could stand in it and feel its caress on my skin. For now I’m here watching its fall of tenderness through the window as the medicine surges into my veins.

There is such love in this world. In all places I look. It’s there if you have the eyes to see. The bird outside the window. The nurse laughing at my crazy optimism. My beautiful family of friends and loved ones, all gathering in to hold me. I feel you all. I feel the love. To this guarded soul, who has spent her life somewhat distant from intimacy it’s the true medicine I need in all this. It makes sense of the strangeness, pain, fear and changes. I am learning to receive the love. Thank you for showing me how. You awesome lot.