The year of the owl

My journey over the cancer seas and beyond.

Picture a baby owl with its fluffy head and huge eyes staring out of its nest. You there? Ok, now picture me with a fluffy head and you have a fair indication of my hair situation to date. Owl like, baby hair, mostly white at the front. According to my friend it looks adorable, I can live with that. Thought you would all appreciate an update on the hair story. It was such an epic shedding, from a full shave in May and then throughout the summer in chemo land where I went bald. This is progress indeed.

I confess I didn’t really introduce you all to Suzi, my blond wig. It was deliberate. You see I have thoroughly enjoyed the anonymity of said wig and a pair shades this summer. Initially I was all set to do the big reveal when I first picked it up at the hospice. It took ages to find one that didn’t make me look like some kind of random soccer mum. Even with this one I had to cut it somewhat. Then wearing it to one online gathering I was compared to Suzi Quatro, hence the name of my hair piece pet. Anyway, I figured today is the day to let you in on the wig look, especially since I am about to have my own hair shaved a little around the back and sides to encourage thickening and growth. Although, no, Suzi can stay incognito, above is the owl version of me. Much more entertaining!

I was also amused to find I have a sweet widows peek point at the front, it all lends to the owl look I seem to be cultivating. I have also taken to stroking my head, it is such a soothing pass time and quite frankly it has been over a month since I had a hug from another human being, so I have to find some ways to get my oxytocin fix. On that point I do think it is one of the bigger factors regarding why I feel so isolated at times. Like looking at life through glass. Technically I am out of the danger zone for shielding, except that we are still in odd times regards the Covid story. And quite honestly I really don’t want to add that to my list of ailments for this year.

Do you know that its almost a year to the day that I first found the lump in my breast? I only just realised in this past week that a whole year cycle had passed with me running this story. It seems weird and yet very real. There is something significant about the passing of a year on an event. It marks how quickly I was filtered through the medical system. It marks that I have survived a year on from finding the lump. And it marks the most thorough and utter change of who I considered myself to be. I have lost some folk along the way and gained wonderful others. I have ventured into more intimacy than I ever believed it was possible to be comfortable with. I am still not entirely comfortable with it, but I am learning. And I learnt to receive and to give in a different way. I learnt that I am loved and held in such high regard throughout my many communities. I also learnt how bloody hard having cancer is on all levels.

So here I am, little owl woman. Growing her feathers and dealing with the ludicrous curve balls that life brings. One day I hope to fly. For now a nest of my best people is just fine.